- The plot
- The characters
- The plot
- The characters
The author seems to think that using ‘OMG’ or ‘WTH’ as a part of a third-person narrative is somehow a thing to do. There is no plot to speak of. The heroine is a masseuse and the hero is a scarred war veteran. She gives him massages, he gives her orgasms. Other than that, he switches between ‘chuckling’ and ‘brooding’ every page for no reason other than being completely unstable and bipolar. The reason he is so upset with the world and his family is because of something that happened many years ago which could have been cleared out with a five minute conversation but of course isn’t because what would an unimaginative romance writer do without the Big, Ridiculous Misunderstanding?
Also, this masseuse with no actual professional training is able to heal his leg by just kneading him a little here and there – something none of his doctors and physiotherapists managed to do. This is obviously a paranormal romance.
Additionally, there is a ridiculous product placement that I bet the author wasn’t even paid for but still she will let you know and won’t let you forget her heroine has an iPad.
Here are some of my favourite quotes:
“He rested his head against the back of the chair and was just about to close his eyes and let the pain medication settle in when movement to his right drew his attention. At first he thought that perhaps it was an apparition, a vision like the ones he would see at the end of the tunnel of light—beckoning him through those painful nights of recovery. That light and the ethereal image at the end of it were the only things that gave him hope and the will to go on. He hadn’t seen the vision since he’d left the military hospital in Afghanistan, until now. But it wasn’t his imagination and the image wasn’t a result of hallucinations from the pain. She was real and she moved as if walking on air. The lightweight white clothing that she wore gently floated around her, lifted by the gentle breeze.”
“ “Humph, humph, humph. That is one specimen of a man, cane and all,” she whispered. She definitely wanted him to sign up to be on her client list so that she could see for herself just how hard those muscles really were. She gave a short shake of her head to clear it. “
This is so professional. I hope all ‘massage therapists’ think of their clients that way. And why stop at massage therapists? I hope that's what gynaecologists think too - 'oh, can't wait to stick my fingers in there'.
“Layla touched a few icons on her iPad and sent the images to Desiree. “
Ah, I almost forgot Layla had an iPad.
“It was her image, her light that finally led him out of the grip of his nightmare. Although he could not see her in his dream, he understood that it was her. How, he was not certain. But he felt it in the depths of his being.”
IN THE DEPTHS OF HIS BEING.
“What a mess. She’d made the biggest mistake a woman could make—sleeping with a man that she barely knew.”
Yes. That is the biggest mistake a woman could make. Except for maybe adding water to sulphuric acid and having the thing burn your face. Or, I don’t know, buying a computer with Windows Vista on it. Or, in fact, reading this book. I’d rather sleep with a man I barely know.
“Layla was finally able to breathe only to realize how damp she was between her legs.”
Wait, what? Does she breathe through her fu fu?
“He opened her door and helped her in before rounding the front of the car and getting behind the wheel of the silver gray Audi A8.”
One more product placement and this will read like a rap song.
“Was he putting her on? Was he for real in his apparent attraction to her? Was this all some elaborate ruse to get back in her panties? She didn’t know.”
OK. This is illogical. Why would anyone prepare an elaborate ruse to get back into the panties of someone they are NOT attracted to?
“He looked at her for a moment and then tossed his head back and laughed, a deep soul-stirring laugh that rumbled deliciously in her center. “
The hero is supposedly deeply sad and depressed, yet he constantly laughs (either a chuckle or a deep soul-stirring laugh) at things that are completely unfunny.
“ “Show me how to be different,” he said on a ragged whisper. “Tell me how to reconcile my two worlds. Teach me what you know about healing, because I’m all messed up inside.” Her throat squeezed and a tear spilled down her cheek.”
Now I’m crying too. Over all the trees that had to die so that this could be printed.